Being a stepfather: is it possible to love and raise another man’s child?

When you make the decision to get involved with a mother, it necessarily comes from a deep and sincere love. Immediately, we imagine that the considerable affection we have for this woman will quite naturally be transmitted to her toddlers. But in reality, loving another man’s children can be very complicated. Catherine Audibert, psychologist and psychoanalyst specializing in family-related issues, indicates the 5 key steps to achieve a harmonious family life with children who are not ours. Being a stepfather

1. Allow yourself time to adapt When you become a stepfather, you are often impatient to receive the love of your children and to be able to love them in return. We want to share pleasant moments and feel at home within this new family. However, it is very important to allow yourself time to adapt. Indeed, children may show a certain reluctance towards their mother’s new companion and the rapprochement cannot be made on command. It is over time, exchanges and experiences, that complicity and harmony can be established. Being a stepfather

2. Get support from your partner For the stepfather to be accepted by the children, the mother must support him in this difficult process.

Indeed, she must respect and continually encourage him. However, we must not forget that the mother can also experience difficulties in this situation. Each actor in the couple must show kindness, hear the fears and doubts of the other, provide advice and implement concrete actions with a view to developing the relationship. Indeed, the woman must get closer to her partner and show the importance he has in her life. However, this should not be to the detriment of his children. His role will then be to sort things out and create a positive dynamic within the family. Being a stepfather

3. Find your place within the family A mother’s spouse cannot replace the father of her children.

Moreover, he is neither their uncle, nor their friend, nor even their savior. Indeed, his place within the home is unique and it is up to him to define it according to his degree of involvement in the children’s lives. This step can be complicated at times, but with the love and kindness of the mother, it gives rise to legitimacy for everyone within the family. The man must be able to accommodate the needs and feelings of the children and make them understand that he is not there to replace their father but only to contribute to their mother’s happiness. Being a stepfather

4. Let the links build gradually A man who gets involved with a woman who has children often thinks he is obligated to love her children. However, despite all the good will in the world, no one can decide their feelings. The same goes for children. So instead of giving yourself the injunction to love, it is better to show your qualities and try to establish a relationship of trust.

So the stepfather can try to spend more time with the children, but without trying to manipulate them or lie to them to please them. He can clearly express his good intentions while remaining authentic and sincere.

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